kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
