Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize
