she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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