im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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