It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
