idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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