Please, let me fuck your mom
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
