not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
