shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
