He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
