There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
