We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
