i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
