we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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