Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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