so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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