I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
