i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
