I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
