I need help removing her.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
