Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize