That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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