I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
