You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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