I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
