my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
