some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize