The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
