I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
