I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize