peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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