Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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