I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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