nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
