Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
