I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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