As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
