I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
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