in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
