Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
