she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
