i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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