you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
i think i just lost a toe
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
