evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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