oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
