At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
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