Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
