There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
