I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
