When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
