We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
