so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
