i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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