You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
