i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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