I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
