I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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