anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
