If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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