I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
