you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
