They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
