i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
