We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
