I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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