How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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