You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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