I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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