My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
