DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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