its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
