my soul wont recognize me after tonight
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
