oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm just crazy horny about you
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
