It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
