I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Randomize
