So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
