she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
