I'm going to jail i love you
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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