Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
