just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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