Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
this is an emotional support booty call
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
