bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You are the jesus of drinking
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
