I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Panties = found
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