I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize