That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
