I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
