I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
