im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
